Sinning ⇼ Harry Styles
My phone vibrated in the pocket of my uniform. Sneaking to the back room, I pulled it out to see I received a text from Harry.
'Hello dove- H.' I was unsure whether to respond, but knew he’d get angry if I didn’t.
'I'm at work, I can’t talk Harry.' His response was almost immediate.
'I want to take you out tonight.'
'I thought you had a match.'
'You can come.'
'I don't belong there'
'I'm sure I could keep an eye on you. It won't be hard. ;)' I rolled my eyes.
'Maybe...' I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be alone in a crowd like that. It's too scary.
'It's not a question, dove.' He argued.
'Okay.' I gave in, not in the mood to argue.
'Good girl. It'll be warm tonight wear something sexy for me. ;) I'll pick you up at nine.' I could practically see his dark smirk.
'Why so early?'
'I want to spend time with you.'
'I could meet you at your flat if you'd like..'
'No. If you'd like to come to my flat before hand, then I will collect you at eight.'
'Okay.' I typed before I could stop myself
'Looking forward to seeing you in my bedroom once more. ;)' I took a deep breath, not responding as I slid my phone back in my uniform and continued on with work.
"Hello, pretty girl." Harry smiled as I opened the door.
"Do I look okay?" I whispered; self consciously covering my revealed stomach area. I wanted to look good for Harry—To look like I belonged.
"You look hot." He smirked, eyes darkening as I gasped.
"Harry!" I scolded. "I'm serious! I feel like... Like a whore!" He grabbed me by the waist, leading me toward the Range Rover.
"I'm kidding!" He defended himself. "It's not my fault that all I can think about is undressing you." Rolling my eyes, I stopped walking; only inches away from the door Harry was holding open for me, waiting for me to climb in.
"I have to go change." He groaned, throwing his head back before sighing and grabbing me, pulling me to the car in a second. His strength scared me; the way he was able to move me so easily. It could do some real damage if Harry was angry with me to the extent that he no longer cared about how his strength would affect me.
"I'm kidding." He cooed, kissing my forehead. "You look great." His eyes were a beautiful emerald; a genuine smile plastered on his perfect, playful lips. All my fear of his strength was diminished.
"Thank you." I whispered, climbing in his car.
"Are you nervous?" I asked quietly, my head was set on a pillow whilst we lie in his bed.
"No," His voice was confident, his body tense, and I had no doubt in his truth.
"I am." I admitted, looking up at him. His arms extended above his body before he propped his head up with his arms.
"You'll be alright. I'll have Liam, Niall, and Zayn keep an eye on you. They won't let you out of their sight-" I cut him off for the first time.
"I'm not nervous for myself." I whispered.
"No?" He asked, his eyebrows raised.
"No." I shook my head. "I'm nervous for you. What if you get hurt?" He chuckled darkly, large hands playing with my hair.
"I can assure you, Jacob will not hurt me." I frowned.
"What if you hurt him too bad, then? What would happen then?" He was silent for a long while.
"He would go to the hospital?" It came out as more of a question.
"And?" I urged.
"He'd rat us out." Harry twirled a piece of my hair thin blonde around his long finger.
"Then what?" I whispered.
"I'd go to jail for sure." There was no doubt about it.
"I'm not going to visit you behind bars." I admitted, honestly but timidly.
"I'm not asking you to." He spat.
"I don't know anything about you." I changed the subject.
"I don’t know anything about you." He repeated, his voice was hoarse; like he was sick of speaking. "What's your middle name?" He asked.
"Annemarie." I whispered. "What's yours?"
"Edward." He smiled. "Tell me about your siblings,"
"Jason… He's the guy who let you in the other day, my older brother. He's twenty two and has a child called RJ and a wife Lily." I reached out to touch his chest, but he grabbed my hand, shaking his head as he set it back down on the mattress. "Yourself?" His chest tensed.
"Doesn’t matter." He muttered. "You live with your mum? Where's dad?" I can't believe he completely avoided my question.
"She's not my real mum." The words hurt coming out of my mouth.
"So who is she? Where's your real mum? Real dad? Other… Dad?" The words were foreign coming out of his mouth. Like he genuinely cared. It reminded me of when I told Roxanne, only more... Intimate. I couldn’t help but question whether or not he was asking because he had to or because he wanted to.
"She's my aunt. My real mum's sister. I don't know where my uncle is, he left before my aunt adopted Jason and I because she couldn't get pregnant." I paused. "My real mum is dead." Tears welled in my eyes.
"What happened to her?" I pursed my lips.
"She was a prostitute… She slept with different men to make a living… And feed her drug habit… My real dad skipped out once I was born—which is why mum was a prostitute, so she could feed Jason and I. Jason refuses to tell me who my real dad was, but I don't really want to know. My mum died from a drug overdose when I was ten. Jason was fourteen." A tear slipped down my cheek, landing on Harry's fluffy white pillow.
"I'm sorry, love." He whispered, pulling my body towards his and wrapping his arms around me.
"Don't be sorry." I stated. "Life is much better with my aunt. I found relief in the bible when she took us in. When my mum was here, we either lived in halfway houses or in shabby flats. I loved her and all… But it was nice to begin to come home without different men shagging my mum or her lighting up a joint… Snorting cocaine in the bathroom… She'd tell Jason and I to go play while she worked… Sometimes she'd try and sell me out to the men when she'd overbook appointments. I don’t think I would be a virgin if Jason wasn't there." That's when I lost it; I began sobbing, pulling myself away from Harry and sitting up, clutching my knees to my chest. He immediately set a hand on my back, sitting up with me and trying to soothe me. "I'm exactly like my mum." I whispered. "I'm a sinner. I'm going to go to hell just like her!" I yelled; hiding in my thin, dirty blonde hair.
"Shit I'm not good at these things." He mumbled to himself, fisting his hair.
"I am my mother." I whispered, mortified.
"Don't say that." He scolded. "You're an angel. You're nothing like your mother, you have potential." He paused. "God dammit, I don't know what to say to you, Eva. I've told you plenty of times how great you are, when will you see it yourself? Do I have to tell you every goddamn day? Because I will! I haven't been able to keep my hands off you since the day I met you. Look, the thing is… I don’t… Mess around with girls more than once but you… You’re different, Eva. And you're certainly not your mother." I lifted my head, staring into Harry's forest green orbs. He reached over and dried my tears. "All better?" He asked in a whisper. I bit my lip, nodding slightly as I set my head on Harry's shoulder. "Good."
Silence struck the bedroom for a few long moments before I lifted my head, looking around the room. My eyes landed on the picture that was set on his nightstand. I reached over, cautiously picking it up and staring at it. Harry didn't snatch it away like I’d thought he would. Instead, he looked at it with me; gently grabbing it and holding it for us both to see.
"That's Gemma." He pointed to the girl in the middle with a kind, fake smile. She's beautiful. "My sister. No other siblings. Just her." Do I dare ask him about the lad? Is that too far? "And that's Harrison Reed." He spoke as if he'd read my mind. A frown took over his mouth. "Harrison was my best friend. We were quite close when I was younger. Hung out quite a bit. Practically like brothers." He stopped.
"Not anymore?" I asked, fearfully.
"Not anymore." He confirmed.
"Gemma and Harrison fell in love. I wasn't too fond of the idea, but they were happy… And I guess they were destined for each other. They were going to get married. In fact… I went with him to pick out a ring, so he could propose, and on the way back, we decided to stop at a bar… To calm his nerves a bit. We were drinking, and I was running my mouth like I do… Fucking things up… And… And I was running my mouth around some lads who we'd already fought previously. They challenged us… We said yes, because… Well, what was there to lose? We beat the shit out of them before so there wasn’t anything to be scared of… We left the bar and started throwing punches… It was looking pretty good for us… When.... When one of the guys pulled out a knife. They slit Harrison's throat and ran. I… I didn't know what to do, I just held him. And I called the ambulance. They didn't come in time… He died on the street, in my arms. When I came home, I gave Gemma the ring and she cried… My mum cried, too, and so did my step dad. And Gemma told me it was all my fault. That I only bring trouble… And I should leave before I kill anyone else. So I did. I packed my things, and moved to London, lived with a nice lad I met, got into this fighting business and got my own flat." His eyes remained on the picture until I lightly touched his arm, then they shot to me, a light hue. I've never seen him with such soft eyes before. They suited him well.
"How old were you?" I asked quietly.
"Sixteen. Just finished my education." He set the picture down, rubbing his face.
"Have you spoke to you family?" He shook his head immediately. "Do you want to?" He nodded. "You should call them." Harry scoffed.
"Are you crazy? They hate me."
"No. They're your family. They can't hate you. It's been quite a while-" He cut me off.
"Eight years." I nodded.
"Eight years." I agreed. So he's twenty four, a couple years older than me. "I'm sure they're worried." His jaw tensed.
"They're not!" He snapped. "They don't fucking care! I'm a murderer!" My eyes widened at his sudden outburst.
"You didn't kill him." I whispered. "Those men did. You had nothing to do with it. You’re not the guilty one here, Harry." He leaned against the wall, letting out a long breath. "Just… Think about it." I whispered. "I think you should call them."
"I'll think about it." His tone was cold. Like it had been the day I met him. I prayed he wouldn’t shut me out now.
"I've been thinking quite a bit about last night." I told him, deciding we needed a subject change before I lost his focus.
"Have you?" The devious, lustful smirk was back. "What about it?" He inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"What I did to you." My face turned bright red as I admitted it, I looked at my hands.
"Your doing it now, baby." He growled, causing me to bite my lip. “Just that innocent look is enough to get me off,”
"How?" I asked quietly.
"You look so hot when you're confused and flustered. It turns me on. You look so… Vulnerable." All I could think was so did he... Last night. My face turned one hundred shades darker.
"I was thinking... Uhm... Maybe we could... Well, I mean-Roxanne... She always-uhm, she tells me about this thing she does... And-uhm-I-uhm-" He cut my stuttering off.
"Come on, dove... Out with it." His eyes darkened. "You can tell me anything." Can I, though?
"She's told me... Things... That she's done with boys." I whisper, playing with the skin around my fingernails. "I was kind of wondering... If we could try one of them." Oh gosh... Why is this so difficult. Harry chuckled, despite his shocked demeanor.
"Oh, baby." He cooed. "There's a lot of things we can do together. You're going to have to be a bit more specific." He's enjoying this. My discomfort. Would it be easier to show him rather than tell him? To perform the act and see how he reacts like he often does to me?
I took a deep, solid breath, scooting closer to him and placing my fingers on the band of his athletic shorts and boxers. My heart was beating in my ears… I didn't even know what I was doing… All I know is that when I pulled his shorts and boxers down, he was exactly like he was yesterday; only, staring at me with a confused look.
"Eva, what are you doing?" He asked as I carefully grabbed him. "Eva." He warned once my eyes moved to his erection. Slowly, I began to lean down; my eyes connected with his. "Eva." He whispered. As I inched closer, he grabbed my face, gently pulling it to his. "Eva, what are you doing?" He asked, humor alive in his eyes. "Are you doing what I think you are?" He asked, his smile disappearing and concern taking over. "Because you really don't have to." He suggested.
"I-I want to." I whispered. "I want to try it." He let out a long breath, laughing a bit.
"I'm such a bad influence on you." He ran his hand through his unruly hair; letting my face go.
I inched closer, not even attempting to go slow. I did what Roxanne had told me to; I opened my mouth and moved down on him… Careful not to let my teeth come in contact with his skin, like she had always told me.
"Oh my god..." Harry whispered. "Shit, Eva." His hands moved down to my hair, pushing it all to one shoulder. I took him deeper into my mouth; struggling and pinching my eyes shut. "Easy, baby." He warned. "Take it slow." I didn't listen, attempting to do it again; gagging a bit in the process. "Eva! Don't force yourself!" He scolded, worriedly as he slightly pushed my shoulders back. My pace increased, staring up at Harry as he moaned slightly, throwing his head back and biting his lip. "I want to see you." He breathed. "Take your shirt off for me." I complied; peeling my crop top off with Harry's assistance as I pulled away from him. My grey shirt was placed to the side as I set my hand on Harry's thigh, taking him in my mouth once again. ”Let me see your eyes.” I looked at him through my lashes to see him biting his lip. “Yeah, like that.” He whispered.
I recognized the peaceful look on his face from last night… He was close. He was vulnerable, now. I went faster, until his hand gripped my shoulder, pushing me back slightly.
"Eva." He strained as I released him from my mouth. He reached down to touch himself, but I stopped him; gripping my small hand around him and pumping. "Shit." He whispered, breathlessly, oozing out onto my hand. "Oh, my god, Eva." He moaned, becoming soft in my hand as I released him. He sat there for a moment, catching his breath. He grabbed my hand lazily, wiping a bit of his come off and holding his index and middle fingers out to me. "Taste?" He asked quietly, wary to my response. I nodded, bringing his fingers my my mouth and sucking on them, allowing him to pull away as I licked my lips. He was shocked, taking a tissue from the box next to his bed and wiping both me and himself off, throwing the tissue in the wastebasket.
"Was it okay?" I asked quietly, pushing his damp, curly hair off his forehead.
"It was perfect, baby." He grabbed my hand from his hair, kissing it lightly. "Don’t worry, I’ll pay you back tonight," His eye dropped down in a wink and I suddenly felt nervous.
Harry opened the door for me as I entered the basement of the bar. I heard the crowd chatting; as if waiting for the match, casually having drinks. It reminded me of the day I met him, anxiously waiting for what Roxanne said was going to be the best night of my life.
"Come." Harry mumbled; taking my small hand in his and gently pulling me past the bar scene, into a hallway, followed by a room where Liam was standing patiently.
"Bloody hell! Finally you-" He cut himself off as his gaze traveled to me. "Eva." He greeted with a warm smile. The look on his face told me Harry had left out the part about me coming. "Be out in ten." Liam muttered before exiting the room; leaving Harry and I alone. Harry let go of my hand, walking to the boxing gloves that lied on a table. He peeled off his shirt.
"What do you do for a living?" I asked quietly. He turned to me with an eyebrow raised.
"This." He referred to fighting, grabbing the gloves, before walking over to me. "Hold this." He handed me a mouth guard in its case.
"Bird." I whispered, running my fingers over the cartoon on his inked skin. He smiled lightly.
"Dove." He replied, poking my cheek as I giggled.
"I'm not a dove!" I exclaimed.
"Then what are you?"
"A girl!" He laughed, leaning down and kissing me lightly.
"My girl." He said in a raspy voice.
"But you are not mine." I said more to myself than him. Immediately, I hoped he had not heard it. His eye brow furred, slipping the gloves on.
"Would you tie them?" He asked patiently. My small fingers pulled the strings tight; tying them like he had asked. I knew he heard, he had chose to ignore it, though.
"You didn't wear these last time." I noted.
"Didn't need them." He grabbed my waist, leading me down the hall and to the main event. My insides tightened with fear. All these people came to see Harry beat some guy up... And I fear he'll take it too far. He led me to the back, near Niall and Zayn. "I want you to stay here." He told me as he grabbed my waist, pulling me to him. Liam began making his announcement. "I don't want you to come watch the fight, okay? Just stay in the back with them. I want the boys to be able to watch you for me. Okay?" I nodded slightly. "Eva, I'm serious. Don't move."
"Okay, Harry." I mumbled, he nodded, kissing me quickly.
"Mouth guard?" He asked. I popped the case open, grabbing the clear, plastic piece and putting it in for him.
"Be careful." He nodded, giving me another quick kiss before stepping into the circle.
The fight had ended fairly quickly, and I'm glad I didn't watch, because his opponent was a bloody mess. If I had watched, I don't think I could look at Harry the same. I just told myself it was business. Harry meant no harm, though I secretly knew he did. As Harry put his gloves in the backroom, a lad approached me, asking me for my name and what I was doing here. The conversation didn't last long, when Harry came by and pulled me away, out of the bar and towards his car. It was difficult to keep up with his long strides.
"Harry!" I exclaimed. "Harry, what's wrong?!?!?!" He turned around swiftly, pressing me against the side of his car.
"You're mine!" He yelled, gripping my wrist tightly. "What are you doing talking to that bloke?" He demanded.
"You belong to me!"
"But you don't belong to me?" I asked. "That's not fair!"
"Life isn't fair!" He yelled, his grip tightening with each word. I held my breath, trying to forget the pain. Unfortunately, I couldn't. It became unbearable as tears welled in my eyes.
"Harry... Y-You're hurting me." His eyes immediately softened as he let go of my wrist, placing his hands on either side of my face.
“Get in the car.” He mumbled.
“No.” He and I remained silent for a long while, staring at each other.
"It's not fair." I croaked. "It's not fair and you know that!" He sighed, rubbing his angry eyes.
"I don't care if it's fair! Take me as we are right now or don't take me at all!" Is this the part where I walk away? And we forget about each other?
"I-I want more." He scoffed.
"More? More! I'm dangerous, you know that! You should just stay away or I'll hurt you! I don't want to hurt you, but sometimes I get so angry that I don't know what I'm doing and I can't fucking help it! You should just go now! Get out while you can! Before I fucking break you. You don't want to be with me, I'm no good!" He shouted at me, his warm, minty breath hitting my face.
"I see the good in you." I whispered, touching his strong bicep lightly. "I don't want to leave." He stared at me for a long, deadly moment. "I-I'm sorry I'm not enough for you." I whispered. "I'm sorry I don't know how to do the things you like, and I'm sorry I'm so dumb and shy and I'm-I'm just-I'm sorry I'm not enough." I let his arm go, staring at the floor.
"You are enough." He breathed, "It's me who isn't enough."
"You're perfect." I blushed, unsure of how he'd react.
"I'm far from perfect, baby. You need to see that."
"No I don't-" He cut me off.
"I'm no good for you." I frowned.
"But-but… I..." He brushed a piece of hair behind my ear.
"I'm only going to hurt you." He promised. "And that's the last thing I want to do." His eyes were emerald, beaming into mine. I felt like I could break any second.
"You're the only guy I've ever done anything with. You're the only guy I've ever wanted to be with." He stayed silent for a few moments.
"You're the only one that knows about Gemma and Harrison. And the only one I've let sleep in my bed-" I cut him off before he could say anything else.
"Doesn't that count for anything?" I asked quietly, biting my lip.
"I want to go with you, trust me, Eva. But I don't want to hurt you. You're too valuable for that." Hips pressed into a hard line.
"So then don't! Don't hurt me!" His hand grazed my cheek, lightly tracing my bottom lip with his thumb. He leaned forward, pressing his lips sweetly against mine.
"I can't promise anything." He mumbled against my lips. I pulled away slightly.
"That's a risk I'm willing to take." He smiled lightly.
"Well, then, Eva Annemarie Steig... Will you be my girlfriend?" I blushed madly, nodding.
"Yeah." I breathed, connecting our lips once more before he let me in the car and drove me home.