It Never Ends
“Well…” I said and Michael looked at me. “Alex there should be no hesitation.” Michael hissed at me. “But he’s obviously so fucked up. I mean, yeah I want to press charges, but I’d rather him go into a crazy house, not prison.” Michael was still giving me looks. “Listen, Michael, I know, he hurt me. Look at my bruises, but I don’t want him to go to prison, that place is evil.” “He raped you Alex! He put his penis inside of you! Alex, he deserves to die!” He shouts at me.
I’m crying, lightly, not enough to make it look obvious. I look down at my wrists, where the bruises from the chains are, “I want to press charges.” I sighed and Michael touched my thigh, I flinched. “Sorry.” He apologized. I signed a paper telling him pressing charges was what I wanted to do, and then we left. “You leave soon.” I say to Michael, he nods. “I know. I wish I didn’t have to.” He said. “Yeah. Me too.” I sighed loudly. We drive to my house, everyone was in there, Luke, Ashton, Calum, Kat, Kennedy, Hanna. I don’t even look at them, I just go into my room.
I get into the shower, and wash my hair and body, 4 times maybe… I never felt clean enough. But I finally got out and put pajamas out, Kat was in my room, “Get out.” I hiss, she gives me a look. “Michael!” I shout and he rushes up the stairs, “I want them to leave. I want all of their fucking girlfriends, out of my fucking house.” I hiss and he nods and brings Kat downstairs. I walk downstairs, “Why do we have to leave?” Hanna asked. “Because it’s my fucking house.” I hiss and they rush out with the boys, but the boys quickly come back inside.
I drag my lifeless body up the stairs and fall onto my bed. I hear a knock at the door and groan, “Want some company?” Michael asks and I just groan again. He lays me down, the correct way and puts my under the covers and cuddles next to me. Ashton then walks in, “Sorry about them Alex, we thought you were fine with them staying.” He says and I motion for him to leave. I turn on my TV and Michael and I watch some horror movie.
“You’re parents are going to be gone for a while Alex, are you sure you’ll be okay? Lucy went with them too, so you’ll be all alone.” He says and I shrug. “I don’t know.” I say. “Why don’t you come with us?” Michael asks and I give him a look, “Because your friends don’t like me. They never have. They never will.” She says and I shake my head, “They love you!” He replies. “I don’t want to go with you, you need a break from me.” I say and feel myself falling asleep.
“You’re leaving…” I say and Michael nods. “Are you sure you don’t want to go? There’s room for you...” Michael says and I shake my head. Their tour bus was out front, they loaded everything onto it, I sighed. “I’ll miss you…” I say to Michael. “I’ll miss you too Alex.” He said and I let out a fake smile. “Have fun!” I say hugging him tightly. “I love you.” He said to me and kissed my lips. “I love you too Michael, text me when you can!” I said and he went out the front door.
My house was quiet. It hasn’t been this quite in a few weeks. I watch as their tour bus drives off, I sigh… this is going to fucking suck. I bet he won’t even text me. Let alone call. I walk upstairs and get dressed, maybe if I went to his mom’s house she’d keep me company… after I finished getting ready I drove down to her house, I got out of my car and knocked on the door. She answered. “Karen?” I asked and she nodded. “It’s me! Alex! Alex Lucilla!” I said and she hugged me tightly. “Alexis! Oh my god it’s been ages! How are you?! Please! Please come in”
I followed her inside, “Do you mind?” I asked pointing up the stairs. She nodded. Michael’s room was up there. I open the door and walk inside, it reminded me of him… his posters were plastered all over the walls. He still had all of our pictures on his wall… “He never took them down.” Karen smiled to me, “He was always afraid that you hated him, and he felt that if he took these down he’d never remember you.” She said and I felt the back of my eyes burn. “He loved this one.” She pointed to the one at the pool, we were like 5…
“Mikey! Don’t splash me!” I shout, but Michael, being 7, was being super annoying and continued to splash me. “Mikey!! Stop!!” I said and he stopped and hugged me.
The picture was so cute, I had the exact same one. “He would come home talking about you every day, when he would come home from school, the first thing he would do was talk about how much he loved your outfit, or how jealous he was that you could rock skinny jeans the way you did.” She laughed. “I know your parents are gone. You’re more than welcome to stay here until they get back, if you’d like.” She said, “Michael’s room is your room.” She smiled and I hugged her tightly.
“Can we talk? Like girl to girl?” I asked and she nodded. We sat on his bed. “That picture, right there.” I said, pointing to us kissing. “It was the best day of my life… and the next was the worst. I was 15, him 16, we were at the lake, sitting at a picnic table, you guys were with my mom and Lucy, you were talking, and he kissed me… it was so great, he said he got a new number, and he gave it to me. I tried calling, and I tried texting… I even tried video chat… but he never answered,” I was trying to control my tear flow, “We hadn’t talked, he just… left me. I saw him a few months back, with his friends… he walked right by my house. I was so excited, I thought maybe he’d strike a conversation with me. I even waved at him. I was so excited to see him… but he just walked past, he didn’t even acknowledge me.”
“And it hurt… it hurt so much. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a worse pain. You know, I thought he loved me, he acted like he did. But he never answered me. We only started talking again because Lucy showed me a picture of him, and luckily they were going to be on tour again here soon, so we went… and he almost had a heart attack when he saw me. He said his friends made him stop talking to me, but why did he listen? Why Karen? Why…?” I said, I was bawling by the time I finished.
Karen was crying too. She looked so sad, I felt bad for her… but I collapsed into her arms. We cried together. “Alex?” She said to me, I looked up at her, “I know it hurt but let me tell you something. Every time he came home, he always had asked if I had seem you and if you were doing well. He never forgot.” She said and I started crying harder. We heard the front door open and close, “Mom?” Someone says. She continues to hold me while I cry.
Michael opens the door to his room and drops his guitar case and runs to me. “Alex? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He asks. I don’t answer. “She’s a poor broken girl Michael.” His mom says, “Why don’t you go make her some tea.” She continued and he hurried from the room. “I thought they were going on tour.” I said and she nodded, “So did I.” She hissed. She was as furious at him as I was. “I feel like I forgave him too easily.” I spoke. “You did what you knew to do sweetheart. Let what’s going to happen, happen, it’ll all work out.” She smiled, and as she finished Michael came back in the room with a cup of tea.
“What happened to the tour?” His mom asked him. “Luke’s got some bad stomach bug, can’t stop puking.” He said and we both nodded. “Thanks for the company Karen. I’ll see you.” I smiled and walked downstairs and to my car. I get into it and drive away. Michael didn’t even stop me. It was weird. Almost like old times.
“Why the hell did you do that to that poor girl Michael?!” My mom hissed at me. “It was her or the band! I chose the band!” “You should’ve never come back to her. You’re just going to kill her again.” My mom growled and slammed my door shut. “I know I fucked up with her mom! Okay?!” I shout at her and turn on my speakers. Why do they have to keep bringing it up?! I know I messed up! I know I probably ruined her heart! I know she tried to commit suicide twice because of me! I know! I don’t need them reminding me. I laid on my bed and started bawling. I just couldn’t stop, I felt so bad… she’s so sweet… why did I hurt her so bad? Why did I have to do that?
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