Where Have You Been? (Michael Clifford LS)
my eyes were sore from crying so much, over the next few days a few more people tried to talk to me but I just couldn't talk, I couldn't feel anything. I pushed away my brother, Bex, Jack, Derek, Rebel, Jace, everyone who close to me, I had ignored I knew it was what I needed to do as much as I hated it I couldn't be here and I couldn't be near anyone I packed all my things from the room and looked out the peep hole, no one was around so now would be my best chance to get away if I was going to so I did a double take of the room and walked out with my bag and headed out of the lobby and to the parking lot, I looked at the busses and frowned slightly "I'm sorry everyone" and I headed off down the road, I stopped at a motel and walked inside "do you have any rooms available?" I ask the woman behind the desk, she looks down and checks "I do, are you ok? you look like you've been crying" I smile slightly "I have been but I'm ok now just need to get away and have a day to myself" she nods and hands me the key to a room "here you go hun if you need anything call the front desk ok?" she hard a warm welcoming smile on her face "ok thank you" I walked away and headed towards my room. once inside I closed the door locking it behind me I dropped my bag and jumped onto the bed I pulled the blankets over my head and felt the familiar warm tears forming behind my eyes, I thought I was all cried out until I felt a single tear roll down my cheek "no stop crying" I pulled myself up and decided to take a hot shower to try and relax even if it was just for a little bit so I walked into the bathroom and saw my reflection, I was disgusted at what I saw in front of me gross hair makeup stains bright red skin, I hated every second I was away from Michael but knew me being close to him would only hurt him I turned the water on hot and climbed inside, I let the steam consume me from my thoughts I was so stressed I could see strands of hair falling out, I took a deep breath and stared at the wall I felt my hand tracing old scars on my wrists "do it" was repeating itself in my head I knew they were dangerous thoughts but its all I could think about it was screaming so loudly I couldn't hear my sane thoughts I pulled the curtain back and looked around when I found what I was looking for a broke the head and grabbed a blade hesitantly putting it against my wrist, I bit my lip as I pressed the cold metal and felt the warm liquid pour out mixing with the water to make a bright cherry color, I couldn't tell if it was the water or my tears that made my face feel warm but I pressed a few more lines into each wrist and let out the breath I was holding in. when I realized what I had done I was more upset than when I had gotten here, I tried to get the bleeding to stop as I finished my shower I climbed out and bandaged each wrist with gauze and walked out to the room, I slipped into a tank top and a pair of Mikey's pajama pants that I had stolen I slipped on my old grey ugg boots, I let my hair air dry causing it to wave slightly when I noticed my phone buzzing from the corner of my eye, I let the call go to voicemail and looked to see who it was "oh Luke" I mumbled quietly but pressed play so I could hear the message "hey I know you're there and just ignoring my calls but I figured you should know that Michael is supposed to come home from the hospital today...his dad went into your guys room at the hotel to get something for him to wear and he said all your stuff was gone...where'd you go? no one can find you on the buses? I don't know where you are and I'm worried, I know you're mad and upset and you aren't talking to us put please be careful, I love you baby sister, you're the only one I have left, I guess you aren't going to answer me but please just let me know you are alright" I set my phone down and just stared at my hands "they weren't supposed to know" I let out a sigh and rubbed my hands together, as I stared at gauze that surrounded my wrists I knew I made a huge mistake I promised Luke I'd never do this again and here I am years later doing it again in a motel room so on one can find me I knew I needed to tell Luke I was alright, it was the least I could do for him, I dialed the familiar number and pressed the phone to my ear "hello? Asher?" Luke's voice was higher than normal had he been crying? "Luke..." it was quiet for a few seconds "you've been crying...are you ok?" he asked I couldn't answer "I did something...something bad Luke" he was quiet for a few seconds "talk to me Asher, what happened? where are you?" I choked back my tears "I...I love you Luke" he voice was soft "I love you to Asher please tell me where you are so I can help you" I just continued to talk "I wish I never yelled at you back at the hotel I take back everything I said to you" he chuckled slightly "I know you didn't mean anything you were just upset and its ok I forgive you but please come back" I let out a sigh "I need some time to myself Luke I promise you'll see me again big brother" and I hung up the phone, a knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts so I walked over and opened the door "hello" I felt my jaw drop "how did you know I was here?" I ask Michael's dad smiled at me "I saw you leaving the hotel and followed you here, but I figured I'd give you some space before I came after you" I said nothing "will you come with me to pick up my son?" he asked "as much as I want to see him I doubt he wants to see me" he placed a hand on my shoulder "my dear you have it all wrong, theres nothing he wants more right now than to talk to you" I gave him a small nod "ok"