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Wasted Heart

We get bored so we get married

Avery let her eyes wander down to the engagement ring she wore on her finger as she found herself sitting on the balcony of the apartment she shared with her sister in New York City.

It was a ring she had been given tonight by the boy she had been dating since they were both freshmen in high school. A boy who had maybe foolishly followed her to New York from their hometown of Tulsa.

"Do you think I made a mistake?" Avery asked her sister as she turned to look at her curiously. Raising her hand to show off a ring Jessica had already seen once tonight when Luke and Avery had gotten back from dinner and shared the news of their engagement.

Something Avery was sure Jessica knew was coming. Jessica had probably went with Luke to buy the ring.

A purchase Avery was sure had been made before she and Luke had left from Tulsa, to move in with Jessica last week. Avery having to come because she had gotten accepted into an art school here and Luke, well, he just followed the girl he loved because it seemed he had been doing that his whole life.

He had been following her and sometimes Avery felt like she took him for granted. He deserved better than her.

"I think the better question here is do you feel like you made a mistake Avery?" Jessica questioned and Avery hated the way she turned the question around on her.

She also hated that she had to think about it because if she had to think about it, then didn't that answer the question? It was a mistake.

"Is it bad I have to think about it?" Avery asked though she felt like she already knew the answer.

Of course it was bad that she had to think about it.

"You want an honest reply to that?"

Shaking her head Avery frowned, "No, because I know it is," she told her honestly, hating herself a bit. "I love Luke, I do."

"But you aren't ready for marriage?" Jessica asked her but it was more of a statement than a question.

"Not yet," Avery stated as she ran a hand through her hair. "Not by a long shot."

"Well, I guess the good thing for you is engagements can last a long time and I'm sure Luke will wait as long as you want.That boy would do anything you wanted him too."

Going silent Avery frowned because she knew Jessica had a point with her last statement and honestly Luke did deserve so much better than her.

He deserved someone who wanted to be his fiancee now instead of having regrets. Yet even with that knowledge, Avery knew she wasn't going to let him go. It wasn't easy letting go of someone you still loved even if you weren't sure you loved them enough.

Because what if she realized after he was gone that she did love him enough?

"I'm going to go to bed now," Avery said as she stood from where she was sitting, heading back inside the apartment and down the hallway to the bedroom where Luke already was in bed.

Having gone to bed an hour ago because he started a job tomorrow at a coffee shop not far from the apartment and hell Avery herself started a job tomorrow as well and then the day after tomorrow her classes started so she really needed a normal sleeping routine.

But tonight she had just needed to clear her mind before going to bed. Something she was sure she failed at because she still had troubled thoughts.

Slipping inside the bedroom Avery didn't even bother turning on anything to help her see as she made her way to the bed. Instead she just used what light was coming in from the moon as well as some of the city lights that were still shining.

The old saying that New York was the city that didn't sleep holding true.

Laying down beside Luke when she made it to the bed, Avery had just gotten her eyes shut when she felt Luke's arm slip around her waist softly. His body moving closer to hers almost apprehensively.

The action being enough to let her know that he wasn't asleep.

"Do you have regrets about agreeing to marry me?" Luke asked softly his breath hitting the back of her neck. Making goosebumps form on Avery's arms.

"Did you hear my conversation with Jessie?" Avery asked softly too, though her words were more a statement than a question.

She knew in her gut that he had heard. More than likely because she had forgot to shut the window after having it open this afternoon when she was painting and their window was on the same side as the balcony.

"Yeah," Luke admitted quicker than Avery had expected him too. She had expected resistance or something from him.

Instead she got honesty.

Closing her eyes briefly Avery turned over so that she was facing Luke, their eyes locking in the dark.

"I don't regret it," she told him even as her words tasted like acid in her mouth, burning her throat as she spoke them. "I guess I just think we're young though and maybe we should have a long engagement," she told him with a shrug of her shoulders.

Her breath feeling like it had stopped as she waited for him to say something, the silence feeling like an eternity to her even though it wasn't.

Not really.

"We could just call the engagement off and do it another time," Luke spoke but despite his words Avery knew that wasn't what he truly wanted.

He wanted to be engaged to her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her even as young as they were.

It was her who was the one having issues, which, meant more than likely that she wasn't ready. The thought plaguing her because did that mean he wasn't the one for her?

nstead of answering him Avery just leaned in, impulsively kissing him because the last thing she wanted was to be having this conversation.

She'd rather do something that made her feel better than talking about this and kissing him still felt good. Didn't make her second guess anything.

Avery feeling almost thankful when Luke kissed her back. Her body moving as he pushed her back against the bed, his hand sliding up and under the old Led Zeppelin t-shirt she had on. A shiver running down her spine as he laid over her.

The kiss between them getting a bit fevered at that.

But she wasn't complaining because this was still better than talking. Way better than talking.

Pulling away from the kiss briefly Avery eventually lifted her own shirt off. Throwing it to the floor before kissing Luke again. Their clothes being shed quicker after that.

Like a button had been switched once her shirt was gone. Both of them seemingly on the same page now it seemed. Running from having any huge conversation about their relationship.

Despite the fact that they had just taken a huge step by getting engaged tonight.

Even if maybe getting engaged was a mistake itself.

Once they were both naked Avery flipped them over so that she was the one on top. Her hand reaching between them as she wrapped it around Luke's cock. Stroking him from semi hardness to full hardness.

While also getting a slight thrill with the moans he let out in between kisses. Avery knowing she had him in the palm of her hand literally and figuratively speaking.

Moving her hand away once she felt he was hard enough, Avery pulled away from the kiss. Looking down at him as she moved to slide down on his cock. Both of them moaning at the feeling of him inside of her.

Avery always liking the way he stretched her. The way he fit inside of her so well.

"I love you," Avery told him honestly as she began to ride him slowly. Feeling his hands coming to rest on her waist. "Love you so fucking much Luke."

Luke seemed to smile at that as he moved up some. Avery letting her arms slip around his neck as she moved in to meet him for a brief kiss.

"I love you too Avie," Luke whispered and even with his words Avery heard doubt in them but she had a gut feeling he wasn't doubting his own words.

Because of what he had heard tonight he was doubting her. He wasn't sure if she really loved him.

Instead of saying anything more though. They both fell silent as they continued to have sex. Avery's head resting in the crook Luke's neck when her orgasm hit. Her body stilling in his arms and because of that she didn't miss the way his nails dug farther into the skin at her waist when he came.

Avery pushing him back some after that. Sliding off him but finding a way to still stay tangled against him. Her lips leaving light kisses on the skin at his neck.

"You know, I just realized something," Avery stated hearing him making a hmming noise in question. "I kinda miss your lip ring," she told him.

Her words making both of them laugh eventually and just like that whatever tension the sex hadn't killed. Her statement had.

"I haven't had the damn thing in a year Avery," Luke spoke with a whine as his fingertips lightly trailed her skin. Her eyes falling shut at the action. "You tell me that now?"

"It just hit me now," Avery defended her words soft because she was getting sleepy now. "It was hot though. So fucking hot and I kind of liked the feel of it when you ate me out."

Luke let out a laugh that was more of a snort. The sound of it still doing funny things to Avery like it did the first time she heard it when she realized the depth of her feelings for the boy she had known for so long.

"Goodnight Avery," Luke spoke though instead of saying anything else and Avery didn't have it in her to fight him about that.

She was too tired.

"Night Luke," she muttered out softly. Not even sure if he heard her because of how soft her voice was.

Waking with a start Avery opened her eyes as she looked around the room she was in. As well as the body beside her. A frown on her face because it wasn't Luke beside her.

Though she had just been dreaming about him.

It hadn't been him beside her for about three years now. When she had ended things just two months into their engagement. Telling him she hadn't been ready for marriage and she knew it had crushed him.

Knew she had ripped his heart out of his chest but she would have rather been honest than lied and married him.

"You okay?" a sleepy sounding voice asked and Avery turned her head to look at Michael. The boy she had been dating for a year now.

Having met him through mutual friends when she had moved out to California. The job she had for a magazine in New York City eventually bringing her here just eight months after her called off engagement and meeting Michael had been fast and unexpected.

Enough that most of her friends that she knew while she had been dating Luke called it a rebound. Her sister Jessica called it a rebound as well...when she actually spoke with Avery that was.

Because in the past few months her sister had been distant and she wasn't exactly sure why.

"I'm fine," Avery lied as she laid back down beside Michael. "Just a bad dream was all," she told him as she moved closer to him in bed. "I think it's because I'm just so damn nervous about this mysterious celebrity my magazine wants me to interview as well as the stress over my sister coming to town."

"Everything will be alright," Michael told her sounding positive in his words. His arm slipping around her waist so effortlessly. "But you know if you want to relieve some stress we could fuck and then go back to sleep."

Laughing softly Avery hit his chest playfully, "No," she said with a sigh. "I mean I'd love to fuck you, don't get me wrong but I really need sleep."

"Yeah, yeah. If you say so," Michael mumbled before kissing her forehead.

Avery smiling slightly despite still feeling unsettled from the dream she had. Almost still being able to feel Luke's touch or what she remembered Luke's touch having felt like when he held her.

Not that she didn't love Michael holding her but Luke had been her home for so long that maybe her body missed that sometimes.

"Love you Mike," Avery whispered softly as she gave herself over to sleep. Hoping that she didn't dream of Luke anymore because it was hard to shake the memories after she had.

Hard to remind herself she had let him go.



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